A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
