I got chris browned last night
I'm drive I can fine osifer
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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