he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
