Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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