Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
