5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
