This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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