Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone signed my nipple.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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