someone threw a dead crab at me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
