I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
