she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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