I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
