Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
