Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
