I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
