I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I could fuck to npr.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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