Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
