she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
