My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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