Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
