Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
