Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
