How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
