Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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