i just identified you from a description of your pipe
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
