he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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