at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
