Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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