Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
