And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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