Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
