So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
this is an emotional support booty call
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
