How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
