Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
