I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
