I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
pop tarts are not kleenex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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