I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
