The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
