Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
