the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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