just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
