Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
