We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He shit in the fireplace
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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