My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
