can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
