he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i now understand why vodka
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
