I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
