check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
