I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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