im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
