Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
